WORLD'S SMALLEST TEDDY MOUSE
By Shorty Tao
Get out your glasses. The world’s smallest teddy mouse is here! At just 0.1 inches tall, this new teddy mouse is so tiny you might need a microscope to see it. In fact, it’s almost impossible to view with the naked eye.
But creator Valerie Stitches says that’s just fine with her. “Nothing like this has ever been created,” said the famouse seamstress. “I think I’ve set a world record!”
Ms. Stitches carefully sews each miniature mouse by paw. It can take over 100 hours to stuff and stitch each individual toy. If that seems like a lot of time for something so small, Ms. Stitches claims it’s all worth it. “Plus each one comes with a cuddly-soft guarantee,” she says.
“They’re softer than ice cream! They’re softer than cream cheese! They’re softer than anything in the whole wide world,” squeaked one little mouselet, who was lucky enough to get a sneak peak before the tiny toys are available in stores.
For such a little toy, this new craze is huge. “We’re expecting crowds and long lines,” said a spokesmouse for Mice R Us. “We think this is going to be bigger than Cabbage Patch Mice. Even bigger than Beanie Mice.” One hundred limited edition Teddy Mice will be on sale at Mice R Us this Saturday. Doors open at 9 A.M.
IT'S RAINING CHEESE!
By Raclette Finerat
At just before 5 A.M. yesterday, a basketball-sized piece of Swiss cheese crashed through the roof of a San Mousisco home, startling resirodents Michael and Susan Furball half out of their wits!
According to experts, the extremely hot piece of cheese was traveling at speeds of about 300 miles an hour when it broke through the Furballs’ roof, causing an ooey, gooey explosion! The sticky, stinky mess covered everything in the Furballs’ living room, from the couch to the carpet to the walls.
“I’m thrilled,” said homeowner Michael Furball. “Do you know what it’s like to have an endless supply of cheese right in our own home? If I’m hungry, all I have to do is gnaw on the wall!”
Aerocheese Engineer Dr. Stephen Spacey said, “This was one of the biggest cheese asteroids I’ve ever seen. If it had landed in one piece, it may have caused serious damage. Luckily, no one was hurt!”
The cheese ball, which was most likely a chip off a cheese asteroid, weighed nearly 15 tons. “If you want to know what that would really be like,” said Dr. Spacey, “just imagine three full-grown elephants crashing into your living room!”
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